The Birth of Baby Rose

Before I get into Rose's birth, here's a little back story with links to my other birth stories (in case you have nothing better to do). 

When I was pregnant with my first daughter, Grace, we planned to have a home birth which ended in a hospital transfer and c-section due to "failure to progress".  With Eddie's birth I thought I was destined for another surgery but was able to have a successful and redemptive vbac at a birth center with amazing midwives and a chiropractor who got him into the right position! 

One week from birth!

When we moved to Texas and I found out I was pregnant with my third baby, I was somewhat undecided on how I wanted to deliver. While I had had an amazing experience with my son, I didn't know any midwives in the area and to be honest, I felt like the pressure was off to go that route since I had a successful vbac under my belt. I scheduled an appointment with my obgyn and began to discuss my preferences for birth. I was quickly reminded that because I was "advanced maternal age" and attempting another vbac, that I would be considered "high risk" - insert all the eye rolls here - and therefore not allowed to labor in the tub, would need continual fetal monitoring, had to deliver by their cutoff date and so on. I was disappointed but not surprised by these restrictions. I told my doctor that with Eddie's birth I had delivered him on my hands and knees and wanted to know if I would have the freedom to decide what position I wanted to deliver this baby in, to which he smugly replied "oh, I don't catch babies that way". I left my appointment and found a midwife. I wouldn't allow this man to dictate every aspect of my birth. I made up my mind to try for the home birth I had set out to have 5 years earlier. Thankfully, I found my amazing midwife Monica and after our first phone conversation (it was almost an hour long!) I knew she was exactly who I needed to help bring my baby earth-side!

Baby Grace

Proverbs 3:5-6

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths.

I woke up at 5:30am on August 22, 2013 praying that it would be the day I would meet my daughter. I was 41 weeks and 4 days pregnant and running up against the dreaded 42 week "PAST DUE" mark, the generic expiration date for pregnancies in the U.S. The previous week had been spent trying to initiate labor. Long walks around the National Mall, acupuncture, cervadil and a Cook's catheter (look it up if you aren't familiar, eeek), followed by castor oil and much intestinal protest. That day I would face another round of cervadil if nothing happened on its own. 

From the day I found out I was pregnant, I felt compelled to have as close to a natural birth as possible. I researched and planned and read birth stories and watched documentaries and just knew that a home birth was the route that I should take. Mr. B and I took classes on natural childbirth. I studied self hypnosis for pain management. For nine months I treated my pregnancy and upcoming labor as a job and did everything I could to prepare for the the perfect home birth.

As I lay in bed that morning praying for God to grant me my wish and start my labor, I felt my daughter jolt twice. Not only did I feel it but I thought I HEARD it. That was odd but it was early in the morning and I could have just imagined hearing it. A few minutes later I knew it wasn't my imagination. I rolled over and felt the "gush" I'd heard so much about. My water had broken!!! "This is it! Praise God!!" I pretty much squealed. He had answered my prayer so definitively I couldn't believe it happened just like that!  I woke up Mr. B with the good news and we waited for labor to begin.

Anticipating the beginning of the end of my pregnancy!

We waited, and we waited, and we waited. By noon, contractions still hadn't begun. I called my midwives who suggested I come in to be checked and possibly start the cervadil after all. We arrived at the birth center around 4pm. I was dilated to 3cm, which was where I had been since the Cook's catheter two days earlier. Since my water had now been broken for almost 12 hours, the midwives wanted to start the cervadil to get things going. If you aren't familiar with how all this works, once your water breaks, you need to be in active labor and progressing well by 24 hours or your risk for infection becomes a big issue. After a couple hours of being monitored at the birth center, they sent us home to wait for labor to begin. The cervadil kicked in and I began to have regular contractions. They weren't terribly strong but they were happening and I was excited.

My mom helping me work through a contraction before the midwife arrived

Around 11 pm, I decided to call the midwife to see if she would come over.  Interestingly, at 10pm the midwives had changed shifts and the midwife who was now on call was the midwife I had been praying would attend my birth. She said she would be over shortly to check me, even though I didn't feel like I was in "active" labor yet. She wanted to see if the now six hours on cervadil had helped me to progress beyond 3cm. We called the birth assistant and my bestie, Mrs. S, to let them know the midwife was on her way. About an hour later everyone descended on our place. The midwife promptly ushered me into our bedroom for the moment of truth.

NOTHING, nothing had changed. I was still a 3 and my water had been broken for 17 hours! In an instance my hopes for a tranquil, candle-lit, water birth were gone. I would need to transfer to the hospital. The midwife made no bones about it, I was not progressing and would need something stronger, pitocin. I know it sounds silly but that word broke my heart. My entire pregnancy I had focused on avoiding medical augmentation to escape the dreaded "cascade of interventions" that so many women become caught up in and too often wind up with a cesarean.  I could no longer hold back my tears. I lost it. So much for being calm and composed. Everything became a blur. The midwife on the phone with the hospital, my husband frantically trying to pack the bag we were so sure we wouldn't need. Mrs. S directing us on what we would need and helping to keep my mom focused and calm. I sat on the bed stunned, crying. I was a mess.

Finding humor through all the craziness

By the time we were admitted to our room it was after 1 am. 21 hours since my water broke but since we were now in the hospital and in a "sterile" environment, the pressure to be delivered by 24 hours was not as urgent anymore. The interventions began. First with an IV. It took FIVE tries to insert my IV! My arms are still black and blue. Then they began Pitocin. They were only able to take it up to a level 2 before the baby started to show decelerations, aka her heart rate was dropping during the contractions. They stopped the pit to give us both a rest. I was exhausted. It had been over 24 hours since I slept and creeping up on 12 hours since I last ate. The best I could do was sneak in a few bites of granola bar here and there. As the morning wore on, I resigned myself to the inevitable. I was going to have a c-section. Then something great happened. The doctors changed shifts and two new physicians came to meet me.

I have to add in here that I was blown away by hospital staff. I was terrified that I would be treated poorly because I had transferred in at the last minute having never seen a doctor there or even taken a hospital tour. What I found was the opposite. The entire staff was so kind, compassionate and helpful. They took copies of my birth plan (or what remained of it) and really tried to adhere to it. They showed us respect for trying to have a home birth and sympathy that the plan had not worked. That was definitely a pleasant and welcome surprise. The new doctors were no exception. After I was checked again and still at 3cm, I just KNEW they were going to call it. I told the doctor "ok, I'm ready, let's just get on with it." He actually told me no. I was floored. He said your birth plan is to have a vaginal birth and I'm going to do everything I can to get you that.

The next plan of action was to get an epidural (hey, at this point, WHY NOT?!?) and try the pitocin one more time.  An hour later I was feeling good, baby girl was doing great and my contractions were ROCKING off the monitor and coming every two and half minutes. We were in business, things were going great. I might avoid the cesarean after all! Mrs. S and Mr. B kept me company and we even managed to have some fun during this time. Mostly joking about me sneaking food and being delirious from lack of sleep.

Trying to enjoy the situation

Mrs. S analyzing my contractions

I spent around four hours with the epidural and pitocin before the doctor checked me again. I just knew I would be at a 7 or maybe even an 8 by the way the contractions were coming. The look on his face said it all. I had only progressed to a FOUR and to make matters worse, the baby's head was not in the right position. My body wasn't opening. Failure to progress. My water had been broken for almost 30 hours. We had tried cervadil, pitocin, an epidural and time. We had run out of options. I was going to have a c-section. I could tell you that I was strong, that I knew everything was going to be ok but that would be a lie. I was scared. I was exhausted. I was hungry. I was mentally and emotionally drained unlike anything I had ever experienced. I had no choice but to pray and ask for God's protection for my child and me and for wisdom and skill for the surgeons. There was a flurry of activity as they prepped me for surgery, I zoned out. I felt numb, and then I REALLY felt numb as they increased the medication and my body lost feeling.

Prepped and waiting

Once I was in the operating room, I focused all my energy into staying calm and trying to enjoy the fact that this would all be over soon and in a few precious moments, I would see my daughter. Mr. B was ushered in the room and the surgery began. It was fast but it felt like an eternity. I kept waiting to hear her cry and not to think about what was being done to my body on the other side of the blue tarp. I quietly sang the chorus to "How Great Thou Art" and squeezed my husband's hand to keep from crying. There was no pain but there was incredible pressure, at one point I really thought the doctor was going to crack one of my ribs. Then, all at once, there was a collective sigh in the room and a strong, healthy wail of new life! She was here!!! She was crying!!! She was ok!!! This was the most bittersweet moment of my life, my daughter was born but I couldn't hold her, I couldn't even see her. She was being held and cleaned and toweled off by strangers across the room. I would never have that moment again, never have the experience of being the first person to hold her.

My "short" baby girl

Mr. B was able to be with her, though. I could hear him tell me with an emotion filled voice that she was perfect. After what felt like an eternity, he brought her over to me. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I tried to kiss her but there was too much equipment in the way, all I could manage was a numb hand brushing against her cheek. Waiting for the surgery to be complete was torture, at one point, the anesthesia began to creep up my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was a horrific feeling. I tried not to panic. Thankfully, the anesthesiologist only had to raise my head up slightly and soon the feeling faded but my arm stayed numb for at least an hour. This is NOT ok when you're left handed and all you want in the whole world is to hold your new daughter. That was it, it was finished. After the surgery was complete, I was wheeled to recovery with Mr. B and baby Grace by my side. I am eternally grateful that they kept her with me the entire time, I couldn't have handled them taking her from me after all that!

Finally able to hold my daughter. The best moment of my life.

I don't tell this as a "horror" birth story. It wasn't. Extremely disappointing, nerve wracking, and exhausting? Yes, but neither of us were ever in an emergency situation. Although I experienced the exact opposite birth of what I had wanted, I know that God had his hand in it all. How do I know this you might ask? This is why. After the surgery, the doctor came into my recovery room to tell me that he now knew the reason my labor wouldn't progress. Baby Grace had moved into a position where her head was presenting on its side, meaning the top of her head was not pushing on my cervix to open it up. The reason why she couldn't get her head in the right position was that her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck TWICE and was too short to allow for her to descend. She was literally suspended in the womb and would never have been able to be born vaginally. Had my water not broken and put us on a timeline and the midwife not been wise and proactively sent me to the hospital, things could have been bad. There most likely would have been a true emergency.  I grieved the loss of my ideal birth. The day after we got home I had a good long cry. It still breaks my heart that I was unable to give birth naturally BUT nothing can take away from the fact that the most angelic face is staring up at me from her sling as I'm writing this. My daughter is healthy. I am recovering. This is the happy ending. This is what matters. This is what I choose to focus on. There was a lesson to be learned. 

I can make my plans but ultimately I am not in charge of my future. The only thing I had left to hold on to through all of this was faith that the Lord would see us safely through to the other side. 

Recovery has been hard but made much easier because my Gracie is here. She is already the joy of my life. I can't stand how much I love her. She is the biggest blessing I have ever received.

My IV battle wounds

Getting ready to go home. BIG YAWN!

First family photo! Um, it's cruel what three days of IV fluids will do to your face, HELLO PUFFY!

Finally going home!

Baby Grace was born on August 23 at 4:35pm. She weighed a "whopping" 6lbs 15oz and was 20 3/4" long.

XOXO,

Mrs. B

The Birth of Baby Eddie

Almost ten months have passed since my son was born. Ten months of sleepless nights, endless diapers, non-stop nursing (22lbs already, ahem) and ten months of an ever growing love for my adorable baby boy. It's also been ten months since my VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). If you've followed my blog, you know that my daughter was born via csection 36 hours after my water broke and how heartbreaking it was for me to miss out on the home water-birth I so excitedly planned. From the moment the doctor made the incision, I was already planning for my next birth. I felt let down. I felt that I had been robbed of experiencing the defining moment of motherhood. As crazy as it sounds, I was sad I never got to feel real labor pains and so I set out, determined to get my VBAC.

Sleep Training: Update

It's been a little over a month since my last sleep training post and I thought I'd let you all know how it's been going.

When I last left you, G had been doing pretty well with the CIO method but still waking up pretty early and then going back to sleep. Well, I am HAPPY to report that within a week of my last post, she began sleeping the WHOLE night through! She now goes to sleep between 7 and 8pm and wakes up around 7am! Every. Single. Night. We even went on vacation about three weeks in and she stayed with my parents. I was worried, to say the least, that being in another environment and away from us would throw her off schedule and we would be back to square one but nope, she never skipped a beat! My parents were amazed at how easy it was to put her to sleep and the four nights they spent with her were a breeze.

It's been so great to get uninterrupted sleep, again. I'm happier and feeling much more rested and G is benefitting from the long sleep stretches too.

I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding CIO and Dr. Ferber's method but I am 100% sold! She sleeps so well now, I wish I would have thought to implement it earlier. I know that every baby (and mom) is different and it's not the right solution for everyone but if you're tired of being tired, it's definitely worth trying!

XOXO,

Mrs. B

Sleep Training: Night 3

Ok, so, this will be my last nightly update on the sleep training progress. I realized yesterday that I didn't have a clear idea of how long I wanted to do the breakdowns of baby girl's progress and three posts is probably more than enough. I'll circle back in a couple weeks and let you all know how things turned out.

Sleep training: Night 3

• 7:30pm: Lil Bug racked out a little earlier than usual but it made sense because we ran around all day and she had to catch her naps in the carseat between errands. (This is the ONLY time I am thankful for DC traffic)
• 10:15pm: She woke up and fussed around, so I set the timer (10 minutes for night 3). She was back asleep on her own by about 7 minutes. 
• 2:30am: I woke up and looked at the monitor. She was sitting cross-legged in the crib quietly examining her pacifiers... for some reason, I find this slightly creepy. Apparently, she found the right one, laid down and was back asleep in a few minutes. ***Side Note*** She has never been able to push herself into a seated position from lying down. Who knows what else she's been doing when she thinks no one is watching!
• 5:35am: She wakes up and is ready for breakfast. Since I hadn't nursed for close to 10 hours, I was beyond ready to accommodate her, YOWZA!!! She eats for about 20 minutes and is ready for sleep again.
• 8:00am: Happy baby girl, ready to start the day!

I should mention a couple things that I forgot to in my previous sleep training posts. First of all, Grace has been doing a form of CIO for quite awhile now, I just didn't realize it. I've been putting her down in her crib while she's still awake for months. Apparently, that's a huge part of the process and one that causes parents mucho grief. Ferber mentions that if you are already doing that, eliminating middle of the night wake ups will be relatively simple. If I'd have known just HOW simple, I would have started it a long time ago! The other thing, is that I would normally bring her to bed with us in the early morning, i.e. 4:00am and on. He says that this is a no-no as you want your little one to associate one place with sleep. This makes me kind of sad because I love cuddling with her but if it means a solid night's sleep, we'll figure out another way to get our cuddle time in!

I'm kind of astonished at how well this process is working, so far. I expected to have at least a few nights of the up and down crying bouts. So, if you have been thinking about trying the method but were hesitant because you weren't sure if you could handle it, I would say try it! Of course, not every child is going to respond the same way but you never know, you might be three nights away from 10 uninterrupted hours of sleep!!!

XOXO,

Mrs. B

Sleep Training: Night 2

Sleep training with the Ferber Method started two nights ago. You can read about night one HERE.

Here's my rundown of Night 2:

• 4:00pm: Wake up from the second two hour nap of the day. Must be nice, huh?
• 7:30pm: Start bedtime routine, bath, story, nurse, crib.
• 8:15pm: Baby girl enters Land of Nod.
• 9:00pm: I crawl into bed, still feeling the effects of the previous night's cryfest. 
• 10:00pm: I look at monitor, sure she will be awake any minute.
• 10:15pm: I look at monitor, sure she will be awake any minute.
• 10:30pm - 11:45pm: I look at monitor, sure she will be awake any minute. 
• 12:00am: I finally drift off, certain I will be rudely awakened the second I am in deep sleep.
• 4:35am: I am not-so-rudely awakened by a small "mom, can you come get me, please?" cry.

Did you read that? 4:35am!!! She slept almost SEVEN hours straight!!!

• 5:00am: Nursed, changed and back in her crib, she's asleep before I'm back in bed.
• 7:30am: "GOOOOOD MORNING, Mommy!"

This is either beginner's luck or I have been putting myself through MONTHS of needless wakeups!

Stay tuned...

XOXO, 

Mrs. B

Sleep Training: Night 1

G has always been a great sleeper. She started sleeping in her nursery at three weeks old, was sleeping six to eight hour stretches by four months and went down for her naps without much of a fight. I was pretty sure my baby was perfect.

I didn't really notice that her night wakings/feedings were increasing until about two months ago but I chalked it up to a growth spurt or some other temporary thing. It wasn't until a few weeks back that realized just how out of whack things had gotten. She'd go down around 8:00pm with no problem, maybe 10-15 minutes of squawking, tops, but then she would be up again somewhere around midnight, then 2:00am, and again around 5:00am, before she was finally up for the day around 7/8:00am. It was definitely a gradual regression because had I realized I was getting up three to four times a night consistently for two months I would have done something sooner! Here's the thing, when you're tired, your mind doesn't process the same and I am definitely TIRED these days!


I started researching different methods and reading what has worked for other moms. I reread a blog from my girlfriend in PA who went through the wringer with her little guy (she's hilarious, read about her experience HERE ). I kept coming back to the Ferber Method aka Cry it Out (CIO). I have to admit, like most loving moms, I was hesitant to try a method that seemed to encourage crying but I also trust my mommy friends who have used it with much success and sing its praises. A lot of the message boards warned about trying the method without reading the book and getting all the facts, which sounds like some solid advice so I ordered the book.

It was delivered yesterday and I dove in. One thing I appreciated immediately is the chart showing an infant's sleep cycle and when in it that cycle they typically wake up. The chart also shows you what chapters relate to your specific sleep issues! GENIUS. I suppose they knew that groggy mamas and daddies don't have the mental capacity to read through the chapter index like the rest of society. Our problem is not falling asleep initially but being able to return to sleep when she wakes up after a sleep cycle and also, a dependency on the boob for late night snacks. See chapters 4-6. Perfect! Here we go.

I began reading after I put her down for her evening nap (4:30ish) and immediately came across my first mistake. No naps after 4:00pm! I got her out of the crib and brought her down for some playtime. I fed her a BIG dinner since one of my concerns is that she's waking up hungry and not just out of habit. Then we did our nighttime routine, bath, story, nurse, crib. Dr. Ferber also suggests keeping your wee babe up a little later than normal to help them sack out hard. She was out like a light in 5 minutes. So far, so good. 

11:00pm: She fussed and cried for a bit but went back to sleep without me needing to go in and comfort her. Piece of cake. I even started to think she might just sleep through the night on her own. 

12:45am: It begins. She started really crying and was fully awake, so I went in to comfort her and begin the separation intervals (3, 5, & 10 minutes). She lasted until the 10 minute interval then drifted off. She is the perfect child, this is SO easy.

1:15am: What's that I hear? She's crying harder than before... screaming, if you will. No, baby go back to sleep! You are perfect, remember??? Start the intervals over. She falls back asleep by the 10 minute one, again. 

1:40am: And we're crying again. Is this going to work? She's starving to death! I need to hold her! I am the worst mother alive!! She's going to hate me. Why am I doing this to my sweet baby?? She's asleep by the 5 minute interval this time. Progress!

I had predetermined that I was going to feed her at 2:00am, unless, of course, she had already trained herself and was sleeping soundly.

2:05am: MOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY, I NEEEEEEEEEEEED YOOOOUUUU!!!! (Loose translation). I pick her up, nurse her for a shorter period of time than usual and put her back in the crib while still awake. 

2:25am: The child slumbers.

2:30am: The mother slumbers.

8:20am: I wake up and realize it's 8:20am (cue happy dance)

8:25am: I peek in to find baby girl starting to stir. She's happy to see me and we get up to start the day feeling relatively rested and dare I say, optimistic about tonight!

I put her down at 10:20am for her morning nap, it's 11:50am as I'm writing, and she's still out. 

The goal tonight is to increase the length of the intervals for checking on her and to delay nursing half an hour. I'll be writing again tomorrow with the results! 

Please say a prayer for my sanity, if you get a chance.

XOXO, 

Mrs. B