Thursday, August 8, 2013
Well, here we are, August. My belly is stretched to capacity, my ribs feel like they're splitting in half, my pelvis creaks and pops and makes all kinds of unusual noises. Thanks to the separation of my abdominal muscles, sitting up in bed has become a Herculean event. Ahhh, I must be in the final weeks of pregnancy. But along with the not-so-pleasantries are some unbelievably breathtaking moments. I sit mesmerized as my belly dances and undulates with my daughter's movements. I feel her perk up and kick when she hears her daddy's voice. Most evenings she gets the hiccups and I love the little drum beat rhythm they create inside me.
The birthing tub is assembled in our room and ready to fill. The supplies are gathered. The meals are made. The nursery is finished and waits patiently for her arrival. I find myself in the glider, quietly soaking in the room, its colors, the crib, her unused toys. I wonder what books will become her favorite, what blanket will become her "blankie". How her voice will soon change life as I know it. The tiny socks and onesies are washed and tucked away, ready to be filled out by her chubby frame. I stare at her ultrasound pictures, now over two months old, and find myself desperately curious to see the "real" her.
These final days are an agonizing mix of anticipation and impatience. There is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of labor, fear of the biggest responsibility of my life, but stronger than fear is hope. Hope for a love unlike any I've known. Hope for a joyful child to fill our days with excitement and wonder. Hope that she will grow into a beautiful, kind and graceful woman who loves the Lord and follows after Him. She has my heart already, I can only imagine what I will feel the first time I look into her eyes. Her unborn life has forever changed mine and we've never met. I pray for her and the life she will live. I ask God to lead her down His path, to protect her from the evils of this world. I release her to Him. I know that is the only thing I can really control. I can try everything in my power to raise and protect her but ultimately she belongs to Him, she is only on loan to me.
I'm uncomfortable but I'm grateful. I've been blessed with a wonderful pregnancy, even through these final days of aches and pains. It will all be over before I know it. In a few short months my daughter will be rolling over and then starting to crawl and not long after that, she will take her first steps. I want to savor these days. I want to drink in the wait.